4 months

So this little girl is growing like crazy.  We had her 4 month check-up the other day and she has grown close to 4 inches in 4 months.  No wonder I eat so much and she sleeps so much!  So here are the stats for all of my number friends- and I know you are out there.....Height 25.3 inches (85th percentile), Weight 14 pounds 15 oz (50th percentile), head circumference 41.9 cm (85th percentile).  So she is officially bigger than Chevy.

Our transition back to the working out the home world has been, I guess there is no other word than, overwhelming.  Colin loved his three weeks of paternity leave.  Mastering Rowan's every need.  He did convince her to LOVE his guitar playing.  He is back at work and is appreciating not having a 2 year old and a then 3 month old dictate his schedule.  Rowan started daycare now 2 weeks ago and she has left Sue, the sweetest 69 year old women, spinning.  Rowan cries and cries if Sue puts her down.  My little girl who from the day we brought her home from the hospital has slept in her bed independently - no rocking to sleep, no breastfeeding to sleep, when she was tired at night and eventually during the day I would lie her down and she would sleep.  Not the case for Sue......Rowan will cry and cry and cry if Sue tries to set her down.  So Sue or someone else holds her so she can sleep.  So we have come home to a baby that has only half slept in someone's arms for a total of 40 minutes for the day.  This poor girl needs at least 3 hours/day but typically she needs 4.  She has been so tired that she won't even breast feed before she goes to bed because it is to tiring and she is too overwhelmed.  So I have been packing up her bedding and mobile and bringing it to Sue's everyday.  It worked the first day; she slept for 2 hours in the crib.  Now she is onto us.  If Sue even walks down the hall-way Rowan starts crying.  I keep saying once she realizes she is safe and ok then she will do better.  Well now we are at the end of two weeks and not a whole lot has changed.  It makes it so hard for me to go to work.  I will say it is the sweetest thing when I come home or Colin picks her up, she gives a huge smile from across the room, grabs our neck and snuggles her face right in the crock of our neck, all the while squealing.  One of the sweeter moments of the day.

At 4 months she is rolling occasionally from her stomach to her back.  She loves to reach and grabs things and bring them to her mouth, she is talking a whole lot less than Lily did but she is still a talker.  She loves to watch Lillian WHEREVER she goes.  Colin and Lily play soccer in the basement; Colin holding Rowan and Lillian switching between the goalie and the kicker.  Rowan just squeals in delight no matter how tired she is.  

It is so hard to find time.  Time to be, time to work, time to play, time to be alone.    Right now it feels like we are moving from work, to dinner, to dishes, to laundry, to walk the dog, to bed time, to more work, to bed and then start again.  I know we will look back on these days as some of the best days of our lives.  The funny things Lillian says, the way Rowan squeals and is learning to make noises, the way Lillian runs up to us and says "look what I did" and typically it really is amazing.  I know we will look back craving this love, this craziness and this time.  So for now we are trying to take it all in and draw our boundaries to protect ourselves so that we can truly enjoy and revel in this.  

Crazy

Life has been.... (clear of throat)......full lately.  Here are a few adorable pictures of my every growing girls.  Hopefully tomorrow will bring more time to add pictures and stories of our adventures. 

Some good times

A few weeks ago Colin was really sick for what seemed like forever and my sister Megan did some trade work for some friends where she was able to score the chalet that we grew up going to for a few days. So I packed up the girls for an overnight up north.  They had a blast.  There was a pool, we got to watch everyone ski and the chalet had a pool table, ping pong table and a nice cozy fire.

Rowan 2 and a half months old, all suited up to watch Grampy, Kalie and Megan ski.  It was so nostalgic because I learned to ski at this mountain.  As a family we recalled the shenanigans of the past.

Ski bums and Lily.  Lily kept saying that she was going to ski, her eyes just lit up when she saw them come down the hill.  Next year little girl, next year!

Totally out of place picture.

Attempting to ride on Aunt Megan's skis.

The girls.

The first jump into the pool she had to hold my hands but by about 10 minutes in she was jumping full bore, kicking, paddling.  It was so fun.  Kalie (here) and Megan (in the back) came so we all took turns holding Rowan, jumping with Lily and sitting in the "too hot pool" (hot tube).

Happy 3 Month Birthday

I hold this little girl, I kid you not, and am amazed everyday by how sweet, gentle, loving and excepting she is.  She has already grown out of her 3 month clothes as the pants are now up to her shins, the socks no longer stay on and the sleeves reach mid-arm.  So the other day I went through her 0-3 month clothes and boxed them up and pulled out the warm weather 6 month clothes.  It made me sad looking at all of these beautiful clothes, thinking about the different days that had happened while she wore the clothes.  Some days just a sleepy blur and others very vivid.  Many of the clothes barely worn and will soon be given to a new home.  Why is it so hard to part with clothes?  I tell myself that they are nothing more than material but as I boxed them up I was almost saddened by the fact that our children will no longer wear these beautiful clothes.  That these are just one of many chunks of time that have both flown by and drug on.  That this 0-3 month chapter of Lillian and Rowan's life is now closed and Colin and I will never have a newborn again.  

Last night, not Rowan's 3 month birthday, but last night, precious baby Chloe Quinn Loftus was born to Colin's sister Brianna and her husband Dermot.  Such a special and blessed day.  It is so hard not to relive the emotions of a new born.  The purity, the absolute highs of holding your baby for the very first time.  I tried recalling some of the events of those days, Rowan's birth and actually had a hard time remembering a few things, how silly- it is only 3 months later.  And so I post these pictures filled with the emotions of a women, a mother and a daughter who is watching time slip through her hands.  Watching her babies grow older and more independent and her mother grow older and more dependent, lost deeper and deeper ever day in a terrible disease.  I have tried to embrace every day as I will never have a 1 month, 2 month and now 3 month old again.  Every day as it may be the last.  So with all of these emotions over clothes, changes, growing old and growing young it is so special that Brianna and Dermot had a baby girl.  Now I am able to pack up my favorite memories and send them to a new  home, as many did for us.  A new home where they may or may not be worn but they will be looked over, sorted, washed and selected with love just as they were here.

That is just it, they are not just clothes.  It is the hours of time spent buying, removing the tags, washing, placing them in drawers, realizing that placement was not going to work, then re-organizing, and re-organizing; NESTING.  Nesting for this little one that will change your life and world.   

In this last month Rowan has learned to hold her head up while on her belly, suck her fingers,  smile bigger and bigger and even snort at something funny, follow her big sister with her head and eyes WHERE EVER she is in the room, sit taller in my lap and grunt, chatter, oh and squeal.  I thought Rowan was going to be less talkative until this week.  She will talk constantly if you are around.  She actually smiles and engages more with me at this stage, than Lillian did-which is saying a lot.  She is excited to see me when I have been out of her eyesight for a period of time.  I remember coming home from work for the first time after leaving Lillian, so excited to see her and Colin greeted me at the door with her and I gave her a huge smile, hoping to get one in return and I got a blank stare.  That is not the case with Rowan.

This picture is ridiculous but I had to share it because this is the face she typically gives Lillian.  How can you not laugh?

So all of these pictures are taken a day before and a day after and this one actually on her 3 month birthday.  She looks about the same in all of them.  Round beautiful checks, engaging or surprised eyes, smiley or her typical thoughtful face.

Until you get to this picture which was taken literally 6 days after her 3 month birthday, today, and she is different.  She has grown her face longer and body taller.

 
And so with the passing of just 6 days I have this little girl whom has changed so much.  And so it is with that thought that I enter this week of change ahead.  I return to work.  So sad at the changes I am about to miss.  So thankful for the changes I have seen.  The times I have been present with both my girls and my mom that I have truly needed to be.  I enter the week well knowing that I am meant to work both in and out of the home.  Knowing that I have something to give that will help this world, that will make me a better mother and a better wife.   But at this point I give it quite reluctantly, because change is always among you when you have a little one or a mom who is fighting the battle of her life. I love you baby girl Rowan and I love you mom.  You are both a gift to all of us.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to all! As we welcome 2013 it is hard not to look back on the year that we have said goodbye to and look forward to the year a head of us without a lot of emotion.  I have contemplated this going and coming over the last week or two; thinking about what 2012 really was, not knowing last January that a little baby girl would be born to us, we would purchase a new home and that the growth of our little Lillian would far surpass our expectations.  Now looking back I believe last year was a year of BIRTH.  Not just birth of the babe but of many other kinds.  Looking back that seems to be the over whelming theme which leads me to question what this year's theme will be?  What will I be awed by next December, thinking, I cannot believe......? Many thoughts and emotions crossed my mind about the possibilities of this year to come and after a few tears I am choosing my theme, our theme for the year.  INSPIRATION.    

The birth of a baby is one of the most amazing things in life, if not the most amazing. A true miracle, however I have to admit there has been some sadness in the house.  We have dearly missed our friends out west, the traditions we created over the 9 years we were there and the ability to climb to the top of a mountain or to wade in the sea in a little more than an hour's drive.  We continue to maintain those friendships out west but through the distance it is hard to create those moments making dinner together, or laughter over our favorite bottle of wine or at our favorite dessert place.  We have missed the growth of their children and the moments that you cannot gain by talking about it over the phone.   We have missed the ability to create.  Not that we cannot do that here, but instead that life was very full with a little one on the way, a little one paving the way and a search for a new home.  

We have cherished the time spent with friends and family here.  We have no regrets as to whether we made the right choice to be close to family.  We have been able to celebrate birthdays, gush about our kids in person and the new things they are doing and learning, and be there for just your everyday Sunday meal, to sit across from each other and just be together.  It has become even more obvious of the right choice as it has become harder and harder for my mom to talk, use the right words, find the right words or understand your words.  And so we continue to cherish the time we can just be together and laugh at the kids or the ridiculous things of the day without saying a whole lot.

And so with both the ying and the yang of emotion I am going to embrace this year ahead of us .  Looking at the challenges, the happiness and the sadness with INSPIRATION in mind.  

And I challenge you to do the same, what will you be inspired by? how will you use that inspiration? How do you want to feel next December, looking back at 2013? 

Christmas Jubile!

It is amazing how the Christmas season just flies by. It feels like yesterday we were putting up the tree, turning on Christmas music for the first time and the pulse of the season was palpable.  I love the Christmas season; the lights, the cheer, the music, the feeling of giving and love in the air.  Before we knew it the tree was empty and looking quite sad and we are at the start of January.  We did manage to have  very white Christmas, with 20 inches of snow for our Gaylord Christmas and 6-8 inches of snow for our Brighton Christmas.

We were fortunate enough to spend time with many we love including Mimi and Poppy.

And cousin Nolan!

And Aunt Carrie and Uncle Dave.

And Aunt Susan and Uncle Bob and cousin Colin (not in the picture).

Santa did come to our house!

We had a beautiful day, opening gifts leisurely in the morning and then heading to my parent's house for the day.

Yes, someone got a lot of dress-up clothes and she LOVES them all!  Minney mouse, snow white, little mermaid, and a fairy!

Our girls, Lillian 2 and a half and Rowan 2 months.

A silly picture for Lily.